That's not to say the the mom community on the East Coast is perfect, it has it's flaws. I am routinely given unsolicited advice about the things my kids do in public, which is a charming trait of many high-strung D.C.-area-ites. Yes, ma'am I know that my child is sweating profusely. Yes, my son does always smell like this, yes I know that I shouldn't buy a 1 year old a churro at 10AM. No I don't know how my son got to school and realized that he forgot his shoes. But you know what? I have been surrounded by such great people who have given me the benefit of the doubt when I didn't deserve it, that I have learned to give others the benefit of the doubt too. Do you know what I've learned? That when I assume that silly advice comes from a place of well meaning, I am much happier.
Now, I know that my bubble is probably an exception, and that there are other moms who's own mom guilt is piled on top of with more guilt from other moms. There are comments made, pressures exerted, blogs posted, and looks given every day that deliberately intend to make other mothers feel guilty about their choices, and you know what? I mean, my whole blog was started because of a strong visceral reaction to mommy bloggers passive aggressive utopian posts. The battle is stupid.
I have noticed something recently in the stores, when I see a child having a meltdown, I feel for them, I do. There is nothing worse than having a shopping trip ruined by a screaming kid. It is embarrassing, it can come without any warning, it makes you feel like a failure. I always try to catch the mother's eye. If the exasperated mother looks at me, I say, "I've been there sister, Hang in there!" and then look for some way to help. But you know what? These moms never look at me. They keep their head down and avoid my gaze, because they feel alone. It makes me sad, but I get it.
This clip is very near and dear to my heart for so many reasons. First, in high school, I had a huge crush on a boy, a basketball player, who was nicknamed "Shooter McGavin" because he spoke of himself in the third person, and because of the 'shooter' sign he did with his fingers every time he made a shot. I call him, the one that got away . . . but I digress. I also love this clip because when I hear Adam Sandler saying, "I was on this tour for one reason, money. But now I got a new reason, kickin' your ass!" I think that there is a lot we can learn. Often times, we go through life doing something because we've been told it's the right thing to do, and then something happens, a switch flips inside, and all of the sudden, even though the end goal is the same, our motive shifts and we want to do it better. So maybe that's how it is with being a citizen of motherhood. We are civil to the other moms around us because it's the right thing to do, but maybe we could all try a little harder to not only cut each other some slack, but to make a lighten the burden of another mother.