Sunday, January 20, 2013

George Dope


  Here's the thing guys. I just can't get worked up over Lance and Manti. I think lying is bad but sometimes you just gotta lie. Let me deal with Lance first, Peter has tried hard to turn me. But I still kinda like the guy. There are a lot of reasons to hate Lance. And there are flaws to every argument I have in favor of Lancey. But here's the way I see it. Doping was a problem in cycling before Lance came on the scene. And if Lance had never happened to the sport, it would be just like any other sport. Cycling would just be a sport that people cheat at sometimes, like baseball. Unfortunately for cycling, the biggest jerk on the planet happened to be a cyclist. He admitted that he was willing to do anything to win, and he credits the cancer for that trait. For the sake of my argument, let's say that that's true. If he would never have gotten cancer, I don't think cycling would be the mess it is today. Lance would have been known as the cocky American who was a good cyclist, and he cheated sometimes like everybody else. Instead, Lance's will to beat cancer, mastetized into a will to beat down everyone who tried to get in his way. The same thing could happen to anybody. Inside every one of us, is a sleeping monster, just waiting to be awakened by the wrong event. 

  Take me for example, (mostly because I'm tired of talking about somebody that's not me) I think that I have the potential to be a really scrappy cage fighter. This is not a joke. You know what event would awaken that monster in me? If I were to get mugged or attacked right after a really bad meeting at the school. Sometimes I go to school meetings and I find my self stuck in a room with a really bad teacher and a lazy bureaucrat, most teachers are good but there are bad ones, and it is the bad ones who speak to me the most condescendingly. When I ask an apparently ignorant question, they respond with, "Oooowww you are suuuch a good mom!" and then they don't even answer the question. They just try to make me sign my life away in a hurry so that they can be on the road by 3:30. I may not be smart, but I'm smart enough to know when someone is speaking down to me, and I didn't carve an hour out of my schedule to listen to you talk about how much paperwork you have and why are we on opposing teams anyway? It is after an  altercation like this that my monster could potentially be awakened. I leave fuming and I think to myself, "I dare some crazy person to just out of the bushes and assault me right now." I would go absolutely bizerk. They wouldn't know what hit 'em. It would be a scene from a Tarentino movie, and I'm not even a violent person. But I would go for blood and like it, and that's when the monster inside would wake up and whisper, "You are not supposed to be a stay at home mom of 5, leave them  and fulfill your true calling as a badass cage fighter." And that's what happened to Lance, he got hit by cancer in the wrong place at the wrong time, and it turned him from a sorta cheating jerk athlete, to a superhuman life destroying douche, who was a great cyclist. You can't blame him, or as I like to say, you can't fight the moonlight. 

  And Manti, poor Manti. I don't have much to say about him, he just made up some harmless stuff and got caught. I can totally empathize with that. I mean, come on, I went to 2 middle schools and 3 high schools. I'll be the first to admit that a fake girl/boyfriend will seriously up your stock.

     "I totally have so many hot boyfriends you have no idea you guys, too bad they are all at my old school and there is no way for you to verify that."

    Ahh those were the days. The funny thing is that I thought I was the only person to invent a fake boyfriend. But when I was a freshman at BYU, the dorms were lousy with George Glass. "Oh I totally have a boyfriend, he's just on a mission."



  But Mister, Te'o was a step ahead of me on the fake relationship thing. I had to learn the hard way that if you are going to make up a boyfriend, it has to be a made up person. You can't go around telling people that you are boyfriend and girlfriend with a person that actually exists, and never EVER with a person that people actually know. AND Don't try and fool yourself with the logic that this boy is so popular that your friends will be too chicken to go up and ask him if the two of you are secretly going out, because the friends you thought were spineless will find the courage. I'll spare you the details of how the story ends, but it does end. Very very badly. 

1 comment:

The Watkins said...

love your coyote ugly reference and your rationale.