Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Harie Pottah


A few weeks ago when  a friend sent out a mass email saying that she was getting a group together for the midnight showing of Harry Potter, I immediately responded, "I'm in!" Now there are about a hundred things wrong with this. In my defense, I've just been through a stressful move and humidity can make people do crazy things. Still, I only have my self to blame. We got to the theater around 10 and it was a zoo. And when I say zoo I don't mean crowded, when I say zoo I mean I'm not sure every ticket holder was 100% human. This is the most mild slyphone shot I took.

  This is a real conversation that I had inside my head at the moment this picture was taken. 
            "Look at these dudes. What loosers, I mean who dresses up like this to go to a movie? They look ridiculous. Who are they supposed to be? Wait. I have no idea who they are supposed to be. What am I doing here? I am at a movie theater at midnight waiting with people to see the final Harry Potter movie and I've never even read any of the books. Have I even seen all the movies? I don't think so. I mean at least these people are excited about something they're into. I can't think of any reason that I should be here. You know what? I think the real looser is me." 

 I would say that 85% of the people were dressed up.
 Our movie started at 12:15 and the sold out shows ran every 15 minutes for like 24 hours or something.
The girls behind me cried 5 times.



  But you know what? None of that stuff is even half as weird as the fact that I went to a midnight showing of Harry Potter and I've never read a single book.  Seriously, that is so not normal. I didn't realize how silly it was until I got there, and then I felt totally dumb. There was a girl with her hair sprayed totally white carrying around a broom------and I felt dumb. There was a guy there driving a motorized scooter wearing a t-shirt that said, "muggles suck"---------- and I felt dumb. We saw a car in the parking lot whose license plate said, "slitherin,"-------and I felt dumb. Another guy had a lightening bolt on his forehead and was chanting "griff-en-dor!"------ and I felt dumb. There was a girl with too much black eyeliner wearing gold hot pants---------and I felt dumb. When we saw hot pants girl, Susan leaned over to me and said, "Who is that girl supposed to be? Uh I don't think there's anyone wearing gold hot pants in Harry Potter." And I just laughed like I knew what she was talking about, I would never have known whether or not that girl was dressed up like a HP character.
 
    There was a lot of me laughing at things I didn't understand that night. When vendors came into the theater selling butterbeer, I thought it was something random the movie theater had made up to appease the underage crowd. Susan told me a story about an old roomie of hers who fashioned a snitch out of a tennis ball and carried it around. I laughed like I knew what she was talking about. At one point, I made some joke about Hermione having messy hair and I almost outed myself. I really felt dumb then. The only joke I understood the entire night was when the girl next to me said, "We should have worn our 'team Jacob and team Edward' shirts." I got that.
 
   The movie started and I may as well have been in a different language. I had no idea what was going on. It was all blacks and whites and stream of consciousness and people looking for things I didn't understand. I was actually asleep for the middle 90 minutes of the movie. I still am not really sure who was alive and who had died when the movie ended. I felt so dumb.
 
   The worst part was during the 3AM drive home with Susan.  She is smarter than me to begin with. I'm already always working hard to keep up with her. She was totally excited about the movie and naturally wanted to talk about it. I couldn't respond to a single one of her statements. After a few minutes she asked, "Did you read the books?"

No

Dumb dumb dumb. Not even smart enough to lie about it. The ride home got a lot quieter after that.






Wednesday, July 13, 2011

COB

Have you ever been inside the Church Office Building? I've been there two times. The first time was when I was a kid. It's a long and random story, but the high point was the part when I named all of the Mormon Prophets for Karl Rove. So that was cool.

  The next time I went, as an adult. I visited with President Eyring and President Monson. I thought that was really cool. I mean, it doesn't get much better than that right? 

Wrong.




Church Office Building from Marshall Miller on Vimeo.

Guess my stories aren't that great after all.

Friday, July 8, 2011

Still Here

I'm still alive, just going through a major move and dealing with choosing the wrong paint color and trying to beat strep throat before I teach aerobics in the morning. If I had time to blog, I would write two entries.

1. I was in the pharmacy last night and I seriously saw a hair product called, "Henna Placenta." No lie. Does that make anyone else want to dry heave? That wouldn't be human placenta would it? Wait a minute, what is wrong with me? A placenta is a placenta!!

2. I took my two daughters to the American Girl store for the first time today. The AG company is now on my short but growing list titled:
         Emotional Manipulators of Epic Proportions.
            1. Disney
            2. Jack Weyland
            3. Any member of the De Azevedo Family 
            4. The American Girl Company

I'll try and do better next week.