Friday, March 18, 2011

Surly Blogger Award

My friend Amanda passed an award to me. And while flattered, I guess I was a bit disheartened as well. I've been trying for about a year to not be surly. Maybe I haven't been trying hard enough. Maybe surly is just who I am. Or maybe Mandy gave me the surly award but what she meant was that I'm real, and awesome. That must be it. So now I have to list 7 things about myself. 

1. I was born without any muscles in the thumb area of my left palm. I'll bet that 90% of the people who read this and know me have never noticed, but my left thumb really is quite disfigured. I hesitate to write about this because I know this is going to change the way you look at me. Feels good to have it out there though. My family calls me sausage thumb when they're trying to be particularly hurtful. It stings.

2. For this defect, I used to blame my mom for eating bologna when she was pregnant. Really, I thought it was all her fault. But then I had 4 miscarriages and realized that stuff happens. On a serious note, going through something like that gives you a layer of toughness and empathy that you could never otherwise acquire. On a lighter note, I feel like going through something like that has given me permission to use the phrase "if a crack whore can have a healthy baby . . . . (then I just fill in the blank with whatever the heck I want)" as often as I'd like. 

3. I'm going to start putting pictures of myself and my family on this blog. Until now, I've made a conscious effort not to. And I can't remember why. 

4.  I decided that I'm going to start reading more because I feel like I'm getting dumber. The problem is that I don't know how to use the library. That may sound like a joke, but I'm dead serious, so if anyone in the Vienna/Oakton area is going to the library anytime soon could you invite me? Pretend like you're talking to your kids about how to check out a book and I'll just stand close by and take copious notes. 

5. My grandma invented the s'more. And don't tease her about it by saying something like, "Grandma, do you really think you invented the s'more?" You have no idea the kind of scum you feel like when you see your grandma's eyes well up with tears as she looks at the ground and quietly replies, "I did invent it." Besides unless I see proof that the s'more was invented before the '40's, in some place other than Beaver UT, I'll believe her. 

6. I'll eat my hat if anyone has a boyfriend from the 80's whose name was more 80's than his. Ready for it? His name was Michael George. 

7. I had three different friends send me this article about the fascination with reading Mormon mommy blogs. I'm sure you've read it too. While interesting, it really bothered me. Mostly the idea that the words 'feminist' and 'Mormon mom' would be opposites. As Mormon women, we should not be so afraid of the word feminist. As conservative women, we should not be afraid of the word feminist. Since reading that article, I read a knock against having shabby Zoe Deschanel bangs on at least two different blogs. You're soooo clever to make fun of long bangs, because they're sooooo cliché. So to show women everywhere that we can be whatever we want to be, I ran to the salon and got me some uh those bangs. Next I threw out all of my conventional produce and started shopping organic and local. Then I made a quilt. Then I went on a trip with a bunch of Democrats, and I didn't even tease them for... um... well I may have teased them a little bit. My point here is that I'm a walking oxymoron and I don't care.  


sara said...

I get so excited when I see that there's a new post of yours in my google reader. My dad says he invented the skateboard, but your grandma sounds much more believable. And I don't really know how to use the library either. And I think you are just marvelous.

Elliot said...

sausage-thumb is a term of endearment

great post

alexandra said...

Amen to what Sara said (not about my dad inventing the skateboard, but about your being marvelous)!

I once got asked out by a guy who went by MJ. I asked him what it stood for and he sheepishly said, "Michael Jackson." And he was even black - oh, I'm sorry, African American - which made it even more funny. Oh, but it was my summer home after my freshman year in college so I guess technically it was 1990 and therefore no longer the '80s.

And I'd take you to the library anytime. I just got Zane and Gavin their first library cards so I'm all up on how the library thing works.

The Watkins said...

I hadn't checked in in awhile. It always makes me miss you.

Tiffany said...

It's hard to write a comment when I'm laughing so hard tears are blocking my vision. . . I believe your friend confused "surly" with "ironic". And being "feminist" can mean being a strong, thoughtful woman who believes in standing up for the good women do, so that doesn't exclude being a Mormon woman. . . just my two cents worth. . . love, love, love you!

Emily said...

This is what I miss about being roomies....constant influx of 'how Ang sees the world..." it was such a good workout...I was laughing all the time:)