Thursday, March 31, 2011

Confession

I just want to put this out there. When your kids come over here to play and they take off their socks someplace in the house; I do the same thing every time when a you come to pick the kiddies up and ask about socks.

  "Oh yeah, hold on one second I saw them in the basement."

Then I run down stairs, make sure the basement fridge is closed and look in the mirror for a few minutes before I come back up.

  " Shooot, I can't find them anywhere. That is so weird. I'll wash them and drop them by later."

You'll never see those socks again. When I find them, I usually keep them for own kids or throw them in the trash. 

Sorry. But they're just socks.


Sunday, March 27, 2011

Hipsters


I'm at the airport speed walking to the gate. Speed walking. And I pass some hipsters who start making fun of me. They don't laugh because it's lame to laugh. The one with the huge beard says something goofy. And then the one with the huge glasses scoffs. Then there's one with some weird fedora who rolls his eyes and me while the one in the American flag shirt slows down so I can't get by. Does he love America? Or is he mocking it? Does he even know anymore? Why is he barefoot? The one in the stupid plaid smells bad. I hate hipsters, unless they're the Olsen twins or Jared Leto. And the worst part is that I'm not even sure if they were making fun of me because they're humor is so darn dry-- and I know about dry humor. I have all this hipster anger boiling up inside me. Some day I'm going to have a melt down and freak out at them. I don't know why though, I mean why are we threatened by a group of people who look and act like they came out of that movie Benny and Joon?

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Aw Come On Guys It's Not That Bad.

If I had a dollar for every time I heard that. 

So I first heard the Rebecca Black song a few days ago which is like a year after everyone else. I don't really get it. I mean, the song isn't great, but what's the big deal? 


  Then I heard that this girl is 13? What are you guys freaking out about? This is not the worst song ever written, and it is definitely the worst song ever sung by anyone, let alone by a 13 year old. I think I old that title, gimme a minute and I'll dig out my song circa 1993. It's called, "I'm Rollerblading as Fast as I can Crying Really Loud Because I'm Sad That I Was Only Cast As An Oz-Person in the Musical and I Hate My Parents For Making Me Move To North Carolina."

  This article proves my point. How ridiculous are Katy Perry or Lady Gaga's lyrics and they are twice her age. Not pointing any fingers here. "Friday" was introduced to me by Peter, and it might actually be the worst song he's ever heard. He's sort of a music snob. So for his listening pleasure I'll put up a couple of the worst songs I've ever heard.


Raise your hand if you think that Kim Kardashian would be fun to go to a club with. Now put your hand down because you're wrong and this song proves it.




Raise your hand if you know what a garbage bag of cottage cheese sounds like. I do, listen below and you can too.



Alright, let's hear it. Top five worst songs ever. Go!

Monday, March 21, 2011

Just Doing Some Housekeeping

I found this video while I was deleting some files. 


video

Who'd a thought that Mr. T would be timeless? 

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Nuclear Boy

That last post came across a lost more serious than I'd intended. I guess I'm opposite from the Japanese. They're unintentionally funny while I'm unintentionally serious. 


I can't be blamed for being insensitive, this is a real public service announcement that's being aired in Japan.

Friday, March 18, 2011

Surly Blogger Award


My friend Amanda passed an award to me. And while flattered, I guess I was a bit disheartened as well. I've been trying for about a year to not be surly. Maybe I haven't been trying hard enough. Maybe surly is just who I am. Or maybe Mandy gave me the surly award but what she meant was that I'm real, and awesome. That must be it. So now I have to list 7 things about myself. 

1. I was born without any muscles in the thumb area of my left palm. I'll bet that 90% of the people who read this and know me have never noticed, but my left thumb really is quite disfigured. I hesitate to write about this because I know this is going to change the way you look at me. Feels good to have it out there though. My family calls me sausage thumb when they're trying to be particularly hurtful. It stings.

2. For this defect, I used to blame my mom for eating bologna when she was pregnant. Really, I thought it was all her fault. But then I had 4 miscarriages and realized that stuff happens. On a serious note, going through something like that gives you a layer of toughness and empathy that you could never otherwise acquire. On a lighter note, I feel like going through something like that has given me permission to use the phrase "if a crack whore can have a healthy baby . . . . (then I just fill in the blank with whatever the heck I want)" as often as I'd like. 

3. I'm going to start putting pictures of myself and my family on this blog. Until now, I've made a conscious effort not to. And I can't remember why. 

4.  I decided that I'm going to start reading more because I feel like I'm getting dumber. The problem is that I don't know how to use the library. That may sound like a joke, but I'm dead serious, so if anyone in the Vienna/Oakton area is going to the library anytime soon could you invite me? Pretend like you're talking to your kids about how to check out a book and I'll just stand close by and take copious notes. 

5. My grandma invented the s'more. And don't tease her about it by saying something like, "Grandma, do you really think you invented the s'more?" You have no idea the kind of scum you feel like when you see your grandma's eyes well up with tears as she looks at the ground and quietly replies, "I did invent it." Besides unless I see proof that the s'more was invented before the '40's, in some place other than Beaver UT, I'll believe her. 

6. I'll eat my hat if anyone has a boyfriend from the 80's whose name was more 80's than his. Ready for it? His name was Michael George. 

7. I had three different friends send me this article about the fascination with reading Mormon mommy blogs. I'm sure you've read it too. While interesting, it really bothered me. Mostly the idea that the words 'feminist' and 'Mormon mom' would be opposites. As Mormon women, we should not be so afraid of the word feminist. As conservative women, we should not be afraid of the word feminist. Since reading that article, I read a knock against having shabby Zoe Deschanel bangs on at least two different blogs. You're soooo clever to make fun of long bangs, because they're sooooo cliché. So to show women everywhere that we can be whatever we want to be, I ran to the salon and got me some uh those bangs. Next I threw out all of my conventional produce and started shopping organic and local. Then I made a quilt. Then I went on a trip with a bunch of Democrats, and I didn't even tease them for... um... well I may have teased them a little bit. My point here is that I'm a walking oxymoron and I don't care.  

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Vegas.

  On a plane headed to Las Vegas. I keep thinking about the last time I was here, over ten years ago. Funny that I grew up so close to Vegas and never really went there. Maybe it was because my mom always said it was an evil place, she even nick named it 'sin city' she was always clever like that. 

   So it was probably 2000. We were newly weds and went down with some other newly wed friends of ours, Betsy and Brian. We actually slept in St. George. Before we made the 90 minute drive to 'sin city,' the boys decided to practice their card skills. We probably spent 2 hours playing 21, the whole time Pete and Brian sang Luck Be A Lady Tonight. And not the swanky Sinatra version, it was more like the sped up Guys And Dolls reprise, "luck be a lady tonight, luck if you've evah been a lady be a lady, luck be a lady tonight" sang really really fast, just those lyrics over and over until Betsy gently and delicately put the kibosh on the singing.
  
  Once we got there, it was a blast. So much to do and see. So many architecturally unsound buildings to go to the top of. We stopped by Treasure Island to watch the show--you know, the one with pirates and ships and real water? After the show, this red head pirate with short cut-off jeans comes up to me and says. "Angela? Is that you?"

"Um yeah, I'm Angela."

"It's me! Vince! You know, from Mrs. Reganthal's fourth grade class."

"Wow, hi."

"This is so crazy! I can't believe you're here!"

Of all the weird things I saw in Vegas that night, seeing Vince was the weirdest. On the way back to our condo, my voice was hoarse from screaming and laughing and staying up too late. That was the night I discovered that I do and awesome Britney impersonation. One that has served me well over the years. 
  
  I made one trip after that to run a half marathon, but that was the trip that I discovered that I have what's called BIIBS or Buffet Induced Irritable Bowel Syndrome so I'd sorta like to forget about that trip. 

Friday, March 4, 2011

Led by the Spirit

Young kid on a mission.
Wears a suit.
Rides a bike.
Spanish speaking country. 
Unsure of the path ahead.
The road won't be easy. 
Highs.
Lows.
Although you've got good instincts,
You're typically not known for your great judgement.
Stay focused though man.
Don't be stupid.
Follow the rules. 
Think about the magnitude of what you're doing.
Who are you representing?
Don't get distracted by little things like the stray dog in the road.
The path is narrow.
Shoulders feeling heavy? 
Leg aching?
When things get tough, you may have to tap into your reserves.
Remember why you came, what you've been taught, and what you set out to do. 
You are not alone.
You can almost see the finish line ahead. 
You made it in one piece.
There's the pretty girl that's been waiting for you.


(And don't you hate how at the end they always seem to play the "I don't remember the English" act?)


VCA 2010 RACE RUN from changoman on Vimeo.


Of course we're talking about a bike race. 

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Mel Gibson, Colin Farrell: Radical People

Let's assume I'm a good moral person. Thus far in my life, there are certain words or phrases that I just don't google. I always thought that 'Charlie Sheen' was someone you should never ever google. Right along up there with the words 'tumor with hair and teeth' (please for the love, don't ever google that.) 

But I have to admit, I'm glad I went with my baser instincts and decided to watch a Charlie Sheen interview. This is so great.  I was going to list some good quotes from the interview for those of your who are above watching, but I  can't type that fast, and it's all good.




Remember when I made that prediction about Britney Spears falling and falling hard?

And remember how I was right?

Okay well I have another prediction to make. I'm pretty sure that Charlie Sheen is going to live a long long life. I'm not joking about this. Some things just aren't right. Have you ever wondered why Pluto was demoted? Ever wondered why a good honest person like you got screwed over by a crappy realtor? Ever wondered why they paid Anne Hathaway 750K just to wear Tiffany's diamonds at the Oscars while you sit home and figure out a budget for repairing your roof? Well I'll tell you why. It's because some things just aren't right. Mark my words, Charlie Sheen is going to live a long long life.

I'm serious about the phrase 'tumor with hair and teeth.' Don't google that.