Ezra Jensen here, the newest member of the Jensen family. I decided to take charge of the Jensen Family Christmas Letter this year. You know what they say, if you want something done right . . .
My parents didn’t send out Christmas cards in 2009. I’m not really sure why, it’s not like there were any major events, like hmmm you know MY BIRTH or anything. Sheesh! Don’t worry, I can give you a quick synopsis. Okay, 2009. I was born. My mom turned 30, my dad caught the swine flu, and the family bought a new car, which my mom ran out of gas and got us stranded in three times. I guess that’s pretty much it.
So last week, when the topic of a 2010 Christmas card came up, the conversation went something like this:
Dad: We need to write our Christmas letter. Remind me again. Why didn’t we do one last year?
Mom: Hmm, let’s see. I’d just had a baby so it didn’t really fit into my sleep-deprived schedule. That, and you didn’t buy a bike in ’09 so I didn’t have much to write about.
Well in response to that dig, Peter promptly went out and bought himself a new bike. That’s when I knew that I needed to take over.
So 2010, where do I start? I’ve learned some valuable lessons this year. First, if you are the baby of a family that’s got five kids sharing two rooms, you pretty much have full control over everything. If you’re sleeping, they have to be silent. If you wake up, they all wake up. Sometimes I scream in the middle of the night for no reason other than to let them know that I’m still in charge. Now if only I could learn to use these powers for good instead of evil.
One funny thing that happened this year, well not so much funny as humiliating, was that I had some cosmetic work done. Some jerk at church told my mom that I had a funny looking head. Now, the normal reaction of a mother would be to get offended. Not my mom though, she carted me off to the helmet doctor to get my uniquely shapen head taken care of. You shoulda seen the looks I got. For three straight months, people would look at me with confusion, pity, and sometimes disgust. Of course, if it was a spectacle they wanted, then I was gonna give it to ‘em. So just for show, I’d find the nearest hard surface and whack my helmeted head against it repeatedly. It was pretty adorable if I do say so myself. And the fans loved it because people would point at me and whisper the word “special.”
Let’s see, what else was fun to watch? Oh yeah, the summer was awesome. We hung out at the pool a lot. Jonah (6) participated in the swim team for the first time ever, where we learned that he has a case of pre-race-nerves-induced IBS. So that was pretty entertaining.
And, the family decided to take a trip to the Outer Banks at the peak of hurricane season. Pros: Shea (8) learned to use a boogie board, and she is awesome. Pete took her out into the ocean, about 100 feet out. He accidently let go of her board as a huge wave picked her up. She disappeared under water just long enough for my mom to shriek a few choice words before she resurfaced and glided gracefully onto the sand. Cons: Actually there were no cons because it turns out that evacuating a beach town is as much fun as everyone says it is.
My parents went to Paris for a week. A trip they’d been planning for years. Grandma came to stay with us kids and we didn’t mind a bit. Good thing too, because my mom and dad came home fatter, and all lovey-dovey. It was disgusting.
Eliza (9) is busy giving my parents lots of grey hairs. She has announced that when she grows up, she wants to be “a teenager.” And she refuses to wear pants. She doesn’t even own a pair. I’m gonna go ahead and predict that the interaction between her and my dad over the course of the next 9 years is going to be entertaining to say the least.
Sloane, (the two year old with the unibrow) however, has her dad wrapped around her chubby little finger. Everyone oohhs and ahhhs about how cute she is. They just laugh and smile when she does adorable things like scream “GO AWAY” or pees her pants in the hotel lobby, or worst of all, pushes me over when I’m just mindin’ my own business. I don’t talk yet, but I have already chosen my first sentence to be: “My therapist is going to have a field day with this!”
Well I guess that is about all I have to say. But I hope all of you are as happy as I am. I live in a warm happy home, I’m surrounded by people who love me, and I can almost always find a reason to smile.
Wishing you a very Merry Christmas on behalf of Peter, Angela, Eliza, Shea, Jonah, and Sloane Jensen.
Ezra Bud Jensen