Saturday, June 26, 2010

I'm with stoopid

Was it 60 Minutes? I think it was. Correct me if I'm wrong. When my brother David was in high school, he was featured in a 60 Minute segment on teens and sex. He had cameras follow him around for a week. The best part was, it happened to be the week of prom. And he had just so happened to ask a really hot girl to the prom. At the time, we all felt very cool and important. Looking back, it was pretty funny. Especially that part when the interviewer asked David what he thought about contraceptives. And with cameras rolling, he said, "What are contraceptives?"

So ten years later, I found this girls blog. And check out this picture. 

There is no note on the blog of the guy in the background of the picture so I have to think that they didn't notice him and were just trying to take a cute couples pic. Which makes it all even more hilarious.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Mecka Lecka Hi Mecka Heiney Ho

I figured out why I am the way I am.
A childhood full of watching Pee Wee's Playhouse.

If you're too young to have ever seen Pee Wee's Playhouse. Here's an 8 minute window into my soul.

A couple of years back I bought the first season on DVD for my dad as a sort of Christmas joke. I found one of the DVD's the other day and put it in the car for the kids so they could watch TV instead of fighting over the uncrossable imaginary line.

Of course they loved it. They're mine.

But have you ever re-watched a show as an adult that you used to love when you were a kid? I mean, who is this guy? Who are these writers? And is that frikin' Lawrence Fishburn as Cowboy Curtis?

The show is full of what better parents than I like to call, "inappropriate behavior." There are no real themes or messages. The female characters (Miss Yvanne and the COWntess) are an affront to all women. And the claymation budget (insert low whistle.)

And you know what I figured out? Kids are smart. They know nonsense when they see it. They recognize the ridiculous and realize that they shouldn't take any of it too seriously. They want to learn important messages from real people.

Jonah! Quit messing with my giant underpants!

New Low

To the person who stole the digital clock, the Three Mustekeers, and the Junior Mints from my grandma's nightstand after she died . . .

there just aren't words for people like you.

But I'm sure my grandma coulda thought of some.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Things that make me happy.

I've been sad because my two favorite Dad's aren't in the country right now. Wow, that came out wrong, I don't have two dads okay? Not that there's anything wrong that. My two favorite dads are my own Dad, and my husband obviously. Anyway I was down to only three kids this weekend so I took Jonah and the babies to the Fairfax Corner fountains.

Check out the fountain lifeguard.

The fountains were crowded but Jonah was easy to keep track of because oddly, he was the only kid there with half of one leg covered in blue pen. Oh and he was the only kid wearing a speedo.
And it's sort of hard to see in this picture, but there was this dad who stood in the center of the fountains, where the water shot out the strongest. He just stood there and covered his eyes. For like 20 minutes.
Can you see him? He's wearing a white shirt standing behind the big girl in orange. Against my better judgement, I gave him the benefit of the doubt and assumed he was a dad.

This also made me happy. I was looking for some Chinese translator apps for Pete and I absolutely loved this first review. I love reviews in general.

My favorite part? "Not Even!" That phrase needs to come back and I'm gonna be the one to do it. Just as soon as I get done bringing back, "Same Diff."

Thursday, June 10, 2010

What do Indiana Jones and Salma Hayek have in common?

I was sitting down last night to write a review of SATC but had to stop when I saw this video.

This is the most insane reaction I've ever seen.

I hate snakes too. I really do, but I've never seen any human climb up on a chair like that. And I've never seen any human climb on another human the way Salma climbed onto Maya Rudolph. In heels! And don't you love the irony of the 'Grown Ups' sign behind them?

Something about this video gives me a little bit of deja vu. But I can't put my finger on it. No wait I just remembered. My wedding night. Don't worry, Peter calmed down. Eventually.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

2010 Christmas Card

I need to start thinking about my Christmas card now. I missed 2009 which really bummed me out because it was a good year. Peter DIDN'T buy a bike, Ezra was born, and we ran out of gas three times.

I'm back on track now. And I even found a picture idea from the Awkward Family Photo site.

Anything for the shot.

These stair step kids could be mine. Anyone have a giant 5-paned window?

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Why America's fat

Dear Men's Health,


A pizza buffet is healthy? By what standards?

Here's what my kids' plates look like.

And that's only one trip to the buffet.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Friday: Unintentionally Offensive

Dry Cleaners (Ontario, Canada)

Gay-Cut Hair Salon (Bangkok, Thailand)

Restaurant (Negros, Philippines)

Fu King Chinese Restaurant (Florida)

I'm sorry grandma, and aunt Amy, and Karen Harrison. Blame Peter's bad influence. When we lived in Singapore he giggled every time we went over a speed bump because they were labeled "humps."

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

I don't think it's funny when drunken hacker hobos play practical jokes me. But when the joke is on the Citizens of Humanity Website, its laughs all around.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

June 1st.

Today is my anniversary. I'm trying to think about ways to talk about my my marriage, my husband and my anniversary on this silly little blog of mine. But I'm having a hard time doing it. You know, I started this blog as sort of a knee jerk reaction to all of the blogs that I waste time reading. Syrupy blogs that document perfect families, perfect marriages and perfect children who crap rainbows. (Let me be the first to tell you that my kids definitely don't crap rainbows. In fact, sometimes they don't even bother to lift up the LID to the toilet when they go in the bathroom to eliminate something other than rainbows.)
"I'm going to be authentic!" I thought, "I'll show those lollipop bloggers that I'm better than than them by being real!" The more I blogged, I realized that it was silly of me to get down on those blogs. Because first of all, I think that most of these people aren't faking, they really are better than me. And second, is it really so bad to try to make your life look so great? Why would anyone blog about all bad things? So I guess this blog has been my attempt to blog about my real life. The problem is that I have a hard time blogging about my real life without making a joke of it. Because I know that mainly people read so that they can get a good laugh. And if I don't laugh at life's little failures and inconsequential and disappointments, I'll never be able to get through the real failures and disappointments.
So if I haven't made it clear, I don't think life is a joke. I think life is hard. Really hard. But it's also good. Really good. Maybe too good to blog about on the Internet so everyone can read. And I married someone good. And I'm afraid that if I tell you how great he really is, my words will by cheapened by all the other people who want to go on and on and on about how great their spouse is but don't mean it or don't know what a great husband is the way I do.
Instead I'll do what I usually do, and remember my wedding day. It was great. Our reception was outside and there was this two foot wide rectangular fish pond that went around the garden. When we went to one corner of the fish pond to cut the cake, my brand new father-in-law tried to straddle the pond to get a good shot of the cake cutting. You can guess, what happened. He slipped and totally fell into the pond. Really hurt his back. Totally ruined his tux. Didn't get a good shot of the cake. It was awesome.