Thursday, May 27, 2010

Friday: Unintentionally Offensive

Ayds-- diet candy

Asshoe shoes

Fartful Workbench

Homo Sausage

sorry mom.
It's 2:30, my favorite time of the day. It's about this time every day that I decide to stop being productive. I don't have anything great to say but I'm tired of looking at the word ASS on my blog soooo . . . I'm sitting on the couch watching last night's American Idol finale. I'm done with this show--what a self-indulgent mess. You know who makes me the most mad? Kelly Clarkson. Her comments about "real" women are an insult to real "real" women every where. I hate the pressures that Hollywood puts on women, but sorry Kelly, you are bigger than you are supposed to be. Oh speaking of real women, miss Janet just came on. Nice shoes Janet-- okay fast forward.

I am glad the showmanship of the 80's has made its way back into the entertainment industry. Everthing's so flashy!

When I get my time machine up and running.... I am going to go back in time and tell my self to stop watching Idol after the Carrie Underwood season and spend more time working on world peace. I am also going to warn myself to stay away from boys named Jerome. That's good advice in general.

Oh boy, Lee won. Good job, I've already forgotten your last name. I can't wait to hear your forgettable song and see your Ford commercial.

Okay back to re-doing my bathroom floor.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

I think I may be abusing the camera phone

Um, how great is Kristen Wiig's new hair? I took a quick shot so that I could remember it for my next haircut.

I saw the girl that cuts my hair at the gym the other day. I ran up to her with my iPhone so that I could show her this pic and ask her opinion. By the way, the last time I showed someone a picture of a haircut I liked was in the 90's. I was obsessed with Meg Ryan's short French Kiss hair. I showed a picture to a gal at Sizzors (yes, that's how the place is spelled) in Provo Utah. The girl looked at me and said, "Okay, not to be rude but do you want her hair? Or do you just really want her face and her body?" She gave me a close lipped smile and nodded her head knowingly as I looked down at the ground and left the salon. True story.

Back to 2010. I handed the stylist my iPhone to show her. She liked it and told me that she could do it. Then she touched the screen and accidentally switched pictures. That's when I realized the most of the pics on my phone are funny if you're planning on putting them on a blog, but sort of embarrassing if a random gym friend sees them.

So here's what she found. I felt like sucha moron trying to make up excuses for the pictures and get the phone out out of her hands.

Stericycle: Is it really necessary to advertise what's inside that truck? Sick.

I sweep up a pile this big every night. Ev-ery night.

And I had to take a picture of this lady we saw at CiCi's Pizza. This was taken just after Shea's toy helicopter took a wayward left turn into mulletsville. And was never seen again.

Car wash, helmet, and how bad is The Hills?

That's pretty much my day. Pete wanted to go with me to get Ezra's helmet (it's really called a DOC band--potato potato) so I thought it would be a good day to get the car detailed at my favorite place. I dropped the car off, and again, they really didn't want to do it, but I convinced them. Last year it cost me $60 to get it detailed. The year before it cost $80. Today, I got my car done for $30. In two years I think they'll be paying me to wash my car.

Next we went to the doctor to get Ezra's magic helmet. You know what I realized though? This stinkin' helmet is going to cost $3500, and I needed a prescription from the pediatricians office to get it, but I don't think a single doctor actually works there. Just sayin'. Back to Ezra, the first day I brought Ezra to church, a lady came up to me and said, "Does his neck look crooked to you?"

No, lady. Don't be a jerk to me.

But it actually did look sorta cooked once she pointed it out to me. Not only that, but the back corner of his head was a teeny bit flat. So I asked the PA about it at our next appointment. She told me that his neck was indeed crooked because of a pulled muscle in his neck. She was also overly eager to point out that because of the flatness, his ears were uneven and one eye was droopy.

I hate PA's, they are jerks to me too.

I thought I'd better get this little problem corrected before they decide to make a Goonies sequel and ask Ezra if he wants a part in the film. (I think you know what I'm talking about.)

So we get the helmet on and at first things are going really well

Not so bad right?

20 minutes later.
Hey Ma, what the.......?

He's still complaining about it-- 12 hours later.

It's gonna be a rough 2-3 months.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Attention Blogosphere!

Have an announcement to make?

Proud of a new creation?

Good. Do it. But I want to let you in on a little secret.

Main Entry: voi·là
Variant(s): or voi·la \vwä-ˈlä\
Function: interjection
Etymology: French, literally, see there
Date: 1739

—used to call attention, to express satisfaction or approval, or to suggest an appearance as if by magic


Just tryin' to help.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Just caught Jonah eating 2 day old Hot Pocket that he found in his back pack.

He's just like his uncle.

Sunday, May 9, 2010


I'm waiting outside the art room at school to pick up my girls from their brownie meeting and this is what I saw when I looked down.

What are these called? Feet shoes? Well whatever they are, they're gross. But this picture is great right? So I said, "Wow look at those shoes, are they comfortable?"

He looks at me like I just asked him what water tastes like and goes, "Uh yeah they're comfortable." and then he rolled his eyes at me.

So I said, "Oh, cool."

And he couldn't just leave it at that.

"Sometimes I go jogging in them."

"Is that comfortable?"

"Is that a real question? Cavemen used to run barefoot all the time."

And I couldn't just leave it at that.

"Well I don't really think that caveman ever really chose to go out for a jog, and there was no such thing as pavement back then."

And thus began like a 15 minute heated discussion about cavemen and bare feet and when the concept of jogging started.

I love you mom

I'm watching the awesome Mother's Day SNL with Betty White and thinking of you.

Remember that time you body checked that old lady in the pasta bar line at Sizzler?