Wednesday, March 31, 2010

To the Zoo

You know what? The National Zoo is lame. I'd choose the Reston Zoo over the National Zoo any day. At least the Reston Zoo is crazy and unpredictable.

Let me back up a bit. Shea's class took a field trip to the Zoo and needed chaperones. I volunteered because I miss those school bus riding days and Shea has a major case of middle child syndrome. So we get on the bus and the mom across from me says, "The girl, Tazreba sitting behind you threw up on the last field trip." Thanks A-LOT lady.

We get off the bus (a vomit free ride I might add) and the teacher assigns two or three kids to each adult. Pretty good ratio right? Welcome to Fairfax County suckas. Then the teacher passes out a booklet to each chaperone. The booklet contains a map of the Zoo and like 5 pages worth of scavanger hunt type stuff for us to search for while we are there. I get my assigned kids and as we are separating, I hear someone ask, "Miss D who is in your group?" Miss D says, "I am in a group with Ms. H and Ms. R."


No kids in your group teacher?

While I am chasing kids and watching monkeys look for ticks on each other, you are sooo leaving the Zoo to try the Ethiopian place in Dupont. I got your number Miss D.

Uh, I'll tell you one thing, I'm not doing this dumb scavenger hunt book.

Really though, we had fun. I walked around with Reweda and Shea and Janine. Reweda liked pointing out all of the poop related things in the zoo. Every class has one, and I got her. It's amazing how many animals I saw eating their own poop thanks to Reweda's keen observation.

I had my iphone ready to take some great pics. You'll be disappointed in my photo-observations, but here's what I've got.

Here's our little group. This picture was taken in front of the hairless mole-rat exhibit. Ever seen a hairless mole-rat? They are totally sick. Little bald, well, mole rats. And I was pointing out details to the kids and without thinking, these words came out of my mouth.

"Hey girls look over here, this little guy is trying to climb on top of that little guy, let's watch what they are going to do." As soon as I said it, I wished I could take it back. Not quite ready to teach Shea about the birds and the bees.

Okay this was weird. A Zoo lady came in to give this huge snake some water.
Then she left. And didn't close the door. And she was gone for a long time.

My final observation. Why are we trying to help species are endangered? Particularly the species that want to kill humans. I don't get it. No one is going to help preserve us, why are we saving them? I mean, does anyone have a problem with the fact that this animal is an endangered species?
Hey guys, it's called evolution. And it means we're winning.

By the time one o'clock hit. I was done. Here is a pic of our bus ride home and I felt like the girl on the right, not the girl on the left.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Do you mind that I've stopped doing titles?

Jonah bought a new webkinz the other day. It was the cutest little plush black bear. So we went home and got online to set up the toy's name and house. He wanted to name it 'Black Jonah.' I sort of chuckled at his innocent name choice. I thought about blogging about it but couldn't think of a funny way to write about it with out seeming, well, you know.

And you know why? Because this has happened to me more times than I care to admit.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Easter is coming

Do you think that it might just maybe be possible for me to find a single Easter decoration in this city that doesn't remind me of Donnie Darko?
See the way these guys are looking at me? Quit staring at me like that rabbit. I said stop!

I really need to find some decent decor for my house, to hide the fact that this is what things really look like at Easter time.

The last time I took a picture on Easter Sunday--for good reason.
In '08 I decided that my kids didn't really need candy from the Easter bunny--they would have just as much fun hunting for the eggs we'd dyed. Quit staring at me like that kids. I said stop!

Thursday, March 18, 2010

i'm trying something new.

what would happen.....

if i center my paragraphs.
mess with spacing.

remove all. rational. punctuation.

use words like


and start adding some decent pictures

(my babies' feet)


Instead, do you notice anything weird about the wording in this thank you note? Received after being invited to a fun surprise birthday dinner that a friend planned for his wife. (Note the italics)

"Thank you for crashing my birthday party with me and all my friends."

Monday, March 15, 2010

True Love on a Saturday Night

At Target

I followed them for about 10 minutes, he wore her purse the whole time. And I'm not being sarcastic, I thought this was really cute. They were so in love, they didn't even notice that there was some psycho behind them following too close, pushing an empty cart and taking pictures.

Friday, March 12, 2010


If one is thinking about getting a bikini wax for the first time, one might have some embarrassing questions about the procedure before they go in. One should call a friend and ask questions instead of looking it up on Wikipedia because there are some really gross and graphic pictures.
And if one sees questionable pictures on Wikipedia, one should close the window before one leaves the house.

Because the babysitter uses the computer.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010


I wish everyone was lucky enough to be part of Betsy's world. Back in High School she was the most fun. She spent most of our senior year bullying the football team but had a hothead tough guy boyfriend that made her totally untouchable for any sort of retaliation.

I don't know if Betsy remembers this, but one time MP accidentally nailed her jeep with a super soaker. She coolly got out of the car, grabbed the squirt gun and walked it over to the principal who kept it for good.

Fast forward 11 years. Over the weekend I get a text from Betsy. She emailed her doctor's office about 'yeast-infection side effect' and who responds to the email? Good 'ol MP, who is now a physician's assistant.

Friday, March 5, 2010

I know it's only March, but I think that this might just be the best bumper sticker I'll see all year.

It would be funnier if I lived in Draper. (Oh no she dit'ent!)

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Valentine's Day

I was going through my kindergartner's folder this morning. I always forget to go through it so I get things way late. Today I found a Valentines Card that he must have done during computer time last month.

Behold, the worst Valentine's Day card I've ever received.

The caption inside the card says,

"There are 365 days in a year. I hope you'll pencil me in for one of them."

Really Jonah? What's the matter with you? (If I had a dollar for every time I said that.) I don't get it. And what sort of card making software do they have in that kindergarten classroom.

Speaking of terrible Valentine's Days (relax Pete, I'm leaving you out of this) Did you see that movie? Sooooo awesomely bad that I want to see it again. I think it might have been the worst movie I've seen in the theater, and I've seen Dude Where's My Car, Stepmom, Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey, let's see what else? Oh wait I saw Breaking The Waves in a theater when I was a teenager and that was more miserable than Valentine's Day. But that's only because I was sitting in between my parents and the film had about 8 scenes of people doin' it--indie film style.

The movie was so bad because it was full of non-surprise surprises meant for a stupid LA audience. If you think Ashton Kutcher can act but aren't sure, put him in a light pink shirt and give him lines like, "Love is the only shocking act left on the planet." Man that is so deep. And Taylor Swift. She had a role in the film. Why? I think she wrote the script. And there's no way in hell the Jessica Beal character would be single. And Julia Robert's role was the biggest non-shocker of all. I could go on forever. I mean, there aren't enough bad things to say about the movie. Rotten Tomatoes gave it a whopping 18%. I would compare it to Love Actually but I think that might actually make Hugh Grant's head explode. Instead I'll say it's a lot like He's Just Not That Into You. Only it should be called, He's Just Not That Into You, Or You, And Especially Not You, But Shockingly You, Yeah You Right There.

Monday, March 1, 2010

The Olympics: Best of

The Olympics, stories of triumph, athleticism, sportsmanship. I just loved 'em.

And in case it wasn't painfully over the top obvious in the closing ceremonies, I'll tell you that the Canadians really really love their hockey. I really wish we would have beat the men last night, that would have made this post so much better.

Here are some of my all time favorite images of the Olympics. The Canadian Women taking the gold medal. Again, hockey is really really important to these ladies, so we'll let them have their moment of glory. They look so happy.

I don't even mind if they want to extend their celebration out on the ice with a little champagne.

Cigars? Well, I guess that's ok too. Not very feminine but, oh wait you're girl hockey players. Carry on.

Notice enough time has passed that they have left the ice, taken of their pads, put on their sandals and then returned to the ice.

Totally drunk. The girl in the front can't even get up. Aren't there rules about wearing a gold Olympic medal and being intoxicated? Judging by this picture, I'm guessing that at this point, every other sentence starts with the phrase "dude , you know what would be awesome?'

Dude, you know what would be awesome? I'm totally gonna drive that Zamboni.

Gold medal celebration that has totally degenerated into a buncha chicks passed out on the ice. If I were a member of the US team, I would tape this picture tape to my locker and look at it every day for the next four years.

No wait I take that back. I think this victory must mean more to Canada than it ever would to the USA. I mean, we almost won. We won a silver medal and we don't even care about hockey.