Friday, May 29, 2009
Hurry to Chuck E. Cheese and make friends with the first chain smoking coke bottle glasses Asian you see.
She came here to learn English and American culture.
She stayed because she is awesome at the balloon game.
She just gave my 5 year old 1600 tickets.
This is the best day ever!
Unless Jonah goes missing.
Uh, I gotta go.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
I was sad to put Peter on a plane for the second week in a row. I always miss him when he's gone.
I was lucky though, this time he left me a little present.
In the shower.
Can't you tell what it is? A giant wad of chewed up gum inside the cap to his shaving cream.
While at a gas station, Peter sees a giant chunk of bubble gum called "Toxic Waste."
And with that sentence, it should be implied that Pete has horrid judgement when it comes to food choices and gas stations. Actually food choices in general. I learned that once while we were dating and he ordered shrimp pizza. And I am reminded of this quality again and again every time we go to the Training Table. He starts off the night by ordering the double bacon cheese dog. He finishes the night by spending 75 minutes in the bathroom. Oh wait, actually the night ends with Peter coming out of the bathroom and yelling angrily, "I thought I told you not to let me order that again?"
I was lucky enough to find his surprise before he left. I asked him about it on the way to the airport. He was shocked that I thought he did anything wrong.
"What was I supposed to do? That gum was so sick."
Oh, you mean the gum that came from the toxic waste wrapper? Huh- go figure.
I'm a lucky gal.
See you tomorrow babe.
Friday, May 15, 2009
The other day Susan sent me a link to my new favorite website. It's better than the cake wrecks blog if that is even possible (which by the way, has an entry dedicated to Chuck Norris cakes--so this might be the best day of my life.)
But here is a link to what Susan found-- an awesome awkward family photo website. It is a real treasure. Here is a sample.
This one is Susan's favorite.
You know, it's not the nudity I find offensive, but the hair, and the hand placement (man, if I had a dollar for every time I said that.)
I wanted to blog about it but not until I could find an equally awkward family pic of my own. I looked and looked, nothing. I couldn't believe it. So I looked through Pete's family pics and to my bigger surprise, zippo. Buh-lieve me, Peter and I have two very awkward families saturated with all kinds of crazy, and I couldn't find a single awkward picture. No weird pictures, only beautiful and loving. Which goes to show, that you can't judge a family by it's pictures- that is going to come as a huge disappointment to most SAHM bloggers.
Then yesterday, I was getting ready for Brownies and I needed construction paper, so I went to my file of old art stuff from my days as a French Teacher and I found a gem of my own. Now it's not a family photo but it sure is awkward, especially if you are a class of '96 Highland Ram.
When I was a senior, a group of guys who had already graduated called my friends to see if we wanted to hang out. We were excited because-- hello college guys! So we went to Chili's. It was nice. They paid, which was totally foreign for us to have teenage boys pay for a meal. Then we went back to one of their houses to hang out which was also really fun. Now I had been well trained by my friends. They taught me that even in the most innocent situations, you should look for any opportunity to snoop and spy. And you know what is weird, it has never gotten me into trouble. So I start going through some papers in a bedroom and look what I found.
There were actually like 60 pictures all different poses. You may not notice, but they coordinated their outfits and fashioned a backdrop out of a sheet.
I figured they wouldn't notice if I stole one picture,
but they never called us again soo . . .
But we didn't make out with them either sooo that's probably the real reason that we didn't get a second free meal.
Now, we know that main purpose of the Internet to post stolen pictures, but I took this pic way before the web was even invented so I guess it's kinda creepy that I would keep a picture like this for 11+ years. And even now as I type, I feel sorta bad posting this because one of these boys' little brother ended up marrying my sister and I see him on a regular basis. And another one of the guys took me to Homecoming when I was a new student and had only been going to the school for like a month-- how nice is that? And I wasn't even that hot. Yet.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
I know it's only May, but I think that Megan Fox is going to win the award for quote of the year. You know that hot girl in Transformers with the digitally altered eyes and tan? Apparently she has been named sexiest woman by like every men's magazine. Here is her response.
"I don't want to have to be like a Scarlett Johansson-- who I have nothing against," she says, "but I don't want to have to go on talk shows and pull out every single SAT word I've ever learned to prove, like, 'Take me seriously, I am intelligent, I can speak.' I don't want to have to do that. I resent having to prove that I'm not a retard-- but I do. And part of it is my own fault."
Wow. I think this girl is going to be a problem. I mean, when was the last time you used the word Retard? Is that ok now? Man I sure hope so because it would really help me articulate the way I feel about a lotta stuff. Like Megan Fox, and the person who invented packaging for razors. Hey Megan, just because you are in two robot shows, doesn't make you a serious actress.
Speaking of which, did you know that this is still like the number five most viewed video on you tube? And rightfully so. Never get tired of watching it.
Keep talkin' ladies, together with Ludacris, we can undo all that retarded feminist stuff.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Now as I am typing this obligatory Mother's day post, I am trying to decide if I should post something that makes me (I am a mother) look good; or something that makes my mom look good. Since my parenting stories usually end with me saying things like, "I guess you can pee off of the deck but you absolutely cannot poop on the deck." Or "I don't feel bad for you, that's what you get for licking a razor." I think that I'll talk about my mom.
Some of my favorite Shirley-isms.
My Dad's boss: Shirley, how are you going to put all these children through college? Are you an heiress?
Shirley: No, I'm a Virgo.
Shirley: My husband's job isn't anti family, it's just pro work.
Tribune Reporter: Mrs. Scruggs, we are interviewing well known Utahns to find out what they do on Valentine's day, what are your traditions?
Shirley: Oh don't interview us, we never whoop it up on Valentines day.
(of course that direct quote went right into the Trib.)
Has your mom ever called a General Authority "Elder Long Legs" to his face? Mine has.
Does your mom hold a long time grudge against your husband for being called a cheater at Phase 10? Mine does but why would you ever want to cheat at the most boring game on the planet?
Does your husband hold a long time grudge against your mom for eating too much Gouda cheese on her last visit? Of course mine does.
I guess those are the only non- embarrassing things I can think of. This'll have to be a work in progress because I know there are way more Shirley-isms that I am forgetting.
Hope you are having a good day. Hope you are eating Tim Tams, and sleeping in. Mom, my children miss you like crazy and they are waiting for you to come back so that you can do your "funny run." That isn't really your normal run is it?