Monday, September 22, 2008

Chuck Norris Can Slam a Revolving Door

Whenever I am having a bad day I do one of three things. The first one involves large amounts of refined sugar and a spoon. The second one involves crying in the shower for three hours.

The third one involves Chuck Norris.

You guessed it.

I just think of my favorite Chuck Norris Facts and I know I'll be ok.

What? You don't know any Chuck Norris facts? Here are a few.

  • Chuck Norris counted to infinity-- twice.
  • Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once, he will roundhouse you in the face.
  • The opening scene of "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
  • There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
  • Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
  • Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.
  • Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
  • Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
  • When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris, just to be on the safe side.
  • There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
  • Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
  • Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a royal flush.
  • Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around him.
  • Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
  • Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.
  • If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
  • There is in fact an "I" in Norris, but there is no "team".... not even close.
Ahh, See I feel better already.

p.s. Ask Peter how awesome my roundhouse kick is. Seriously. It is.

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