11-17-09 Some Goodbyes and Some Hellos

Have you ever wondered what a hermit crab looks like when it's all the way out of its shell? We found out earlier this week. I looked in the cage that morning and saw that our pet 'Samantha' had escaped, for the fourth time since we've owned her.

That evening during dinner. I started having contractions. Bad ones.

While we were cleaning up after dinner Peter found the hermit crab.

When he turned on the garbage disposal.

Warning: graphic picture.

I grabbed my iphone in between contractions and took a picture and I'm glad I did because I was in way too much pain to feel anything else.

I guess I forgot to mention to Peter that I was feeling uncomfortable because he thought it would be a good idea to have a little family memorial service around the garbage can. He asked Eliza to say a few words. He gave a little talk about life after death for animals. It was all very sweet. He was half way through his Amazing Grace solo when I spoiled the mood by yelling, "I'm gonna kill you you jerk!" I guess that meant it was time to go to the hospital.

We said hello to a healthy 8 pound Ezra J two hours later.

Did that just happen?

I've been asking myself that question a lot lately. I asked myself if 'that really just happened' the other day at the O.B. I was lying on the cold table and the doctor came really close and said that he wanted to tell me two stories. He spent about 20 minutes telling me one story about asking Dean Smith's then fiance on a date and another story about the movie Space Jam. Then he checked to see if I was dilated.

And this morning. Did I really just get in a fight with the elementary school art teacher? About art? He doesn't think some of my kids are trying hard enough. He thinks that they are doing bad art work. He approached me as I was dropping my kids off at school and wanted me to come into his classroom and see what he meant. Lucky for him I couldn't get out of the car because I wasn't dressed, and I think that I am in labor right now, and his nose was really runny and I have a bit of an aversion to bodily fluids and the smell of scalp in my delicate state so I had to get home quick. But I am going to have to revisit this issue again in a few weeks.

That's What I Get

I arrived with dinner at the home of a family in need 20 minutes after I said I would . When I rang the doorbell, no one answered. I looked through the window and saw a spotless empty house. Right away with my flawed and judgemental thinking, I began to see this scenario in my head of what had happened. The careless husband finds himself home with 4 kids and his wife away. When dinner doesn't arrive right when it's supposed to, he takes the kids our for burgers. Meanwhile, I am two weeks from my due date. My husband is out of town, and I have 5 hungry kids in the car.

Not sure what to do, I take my food back to the car, nearly tripping over a foiled plate of brownies that someone has already left on the steps. I got back in the car and stopped at this family's neighbor's house that I knew to see if they had a cell number or something. I knocked on the door and felt even more mad about having to bug another family. This mom of seven looked frazzled but happily gave me a spare key to their house and told me just to put the food inside. "Oh, and I left some treats on their doorstep, would you put those in the house too?"

So that's where the brownies for this 'needy family' came from. Sheesh. I go back to the house, let my self in and put the food on the counter. At this point I'm starving and already grumpy so I steal a brownie from the plate of treats that the neighbor left. None will be the wiser-- that's what I always say. Besides, I so deserve this. I eat the brownie as fast as I can and head to the car.

As I stop back by the neighbor's house to return the spare key, she is waiting outside for me so I gulp the last mouthful of brownie down and give her a big smile. She smiles back and hands me two huge plates of goodies to bring home and enjoy. I give her the spare key and we chit chat for a few minutes before I head home.

I'm only home about 5 minutes before I realize what a jerk my brain is. There is a message on my answering machine from the husband. He apologetically explains that he is stuck in traffic, the baby is sick, and he is frantically trying to track down my cell but can't find it and feels terrible. Seriously, how lame am I? I head to the bathroom and as I look in the mirror, I see karma all over my face and teeth. In the form of brownie crumbs.

There are only two people who know how lame I am; myself, and the neighbor lady who I'm pretty sure knows that I stole one of the brownies. Believe me it was pretty obvious. Oh, and Peter knows how lame I am too but he's stuckity stuck stuck.

It seemed like a good idea at the time

Sorry for the crappy pictures, can you tell what's going on?

Neither can I.

But there is a guy at my gym right now. Dressed like a waiter, passing out free samples of finger food on a tray. I said gym not cocktail party. There were three other guys just like him walking around offering food to people on fancy trays. My Costco sample instincts kicked in and I downed two mini protein shakes, some cliff bars and a quinoa salad before I realized that I was eating food with my hands in the middle of a gym.

And we are all wondering why H1N1 is spreading so fast.

Why would I go to a gym when I can lick pennies in the privacy of my own home?

Gilly

I have a super cool brother who lives in Australia, and he has a friend named Gilly.

Here's what we think of when we hear the name Gilly here in America.

Saturday Night Live - Gilly - Science Fair

Saturday Night Live|MySpace Videos

Let me know if you can't view this down undah.

I just realized that if you are an old lady like me and you have a teenage brother and you call him super cool, it doesn't actually send the message that he is super cool. You're just gonna have to trust me on this one.

Yeah You!

I was driving home yesterday and this guy honked, cut me off and flipped me off. And you know what? It was impossible to get mad. I mean, someone who drives a lime green truck with the words "doody calls" written all over it, might have had a bad day. He's lucky in a way, everyone that crosses his path knows pretty much that the odds are against him.

Movies: Theater 2: Angela 0

Last weekend, I needed a night out and and had friends to join me. I really really wanted to see Fame. I had a TV crush on Karrington from SYTYCD and a hankerin' for a really good chopped salad. It seemed like nothing could go wrong.

Darn.

Whoever had made my salad had taken some kind of culinary liberty and added basil.

Did you ever notice that Karrington has like huge bugs bunny teeth and can't act? And as for the movie itself. Well, I knew it wasn't gonna blow my mind, but I was hoping for a trip down memory lane.

See when I was in high school I spent my sophomore year at Chapel Hill High School (North Carolina) where I was in the best choir that ever existed. Picture the show Glee, set in the South. So within the group we had the cheerleaders and the football players, but we also had southern debutantes, and this huge gospel choir contingency. There were about 150 of us and we totally sang and danced to the song Fame. I mean like a choreographed dancing performance of Fame. We were good. Really good. And the black kids I met and made friends with in that choir more than made up for the fact that there was a different set of black kids who wouldn't let me sit down on the bus. An entire year of standing up in the center of the bus, the whole ride home while they laughed and flicked pennies at me. Apparently wearing only Duke paraphernalia and Gap clothes, and not being able to tolerate humidity made me a bit of a target. Who knew? I would have killed in Orem that's for sure.

Long story short, this movie is going down as a major disappointment of '09 for me. I was hoping to reminisce by watching really talented teens sing Fame, instead I watched mediocre talent with no charisma and there was just a crappy pop version of the song that played as the end credits rolled.